Monday

Why does everything seem magnified on Monday?

Deadlines, issues, concerns, problems.  On Monday, for just a moment (for me, most of the morning) they seem insurmountable.

I am trying to learn to breathe through life.  Let some things roll off my back, and internalize little.  Some days I have it down pat, other days I am simply awful at it.  Like today.  I swear I can't even breathe thinking about everything I have do, am responsible for, have to fix.

I'm 41 now....do you think I will get it by my next birthday?

Actin' Brand New

Yeah, today's post should probably be some lofty ode to labor unions and Democrats.  Not feeling it today.  Happy Labor Day.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way, I want to talk about the concept of 'actin' brand new'.  For my brothers and sisters from another mother, let me briefly describe. Urban Dictionary tells us that being 'brand new' is: 'When a person displays that they are better than their friends, or treats their friends indifferently, especially where there has been a relationship of good standing previously; hence the term 'new'. i.e. without any history with you.'

I have encountered the concept of newness in many ways over the past few years, and the age of 40 brought a mirror that revealed a lot of newness.  Family actin' brand new.  Kids actin' brand new.  Old friends actin' brand new.  New friends actin brand new.  Folks on the job actin' brand new.  Oh and nobody wants to say it, but I will:  Folks at the church actin' brand new.

I wanted to smash that damn mirror with all of its stupid clarity but the last damn thing I need is seven MORE years of bad luck.

So I said hell, just to mix it up, I might get brand new too. Wait a minute.  Come to think of it, I AM brand new.  Shedding old ideas, seeing people, issues and situations for exactly what they are and have been.  Becoming less dependent on the old ideas I had of friendship, love, life - very 'newly' creating a definition for each that works for me and places me first, and not the other way around.  I love it and wear my newness like a badge of honor.

Isn't my newness pretty?

A wonderful woman whom I consider a mentor - a public servant extraordinaire - told me once that if you let people shyt on you enough, they'll continue to do so because they think you like it.   Being shat on comes in many forms - none literal, but most wrapped in the cloak of the Shatter actin' brand new and the Shattee getting shat upon.  I'll let you come up with your own examples.  Trust me, I have plenty of personal ones.

For the record, I don't like it.  Gettin' brand new, for me,  is like covering yourself  in Anti-Bullshyt Teflon.  It's not as easy to bear as the 'Nice Girl, Superwoman or Good Girl' labels, if you will- but it fits me real nice. I'll leave all that saving to somebody else, thanks.

Finally, blissfully being more concerned with how I feel and 95% less concerned with how others feel FIRST has freed me of a lifetime burden.  It was nothing for me to wonder how to run, jump, skip, do, rush or any of that to do something I felt someone else needed.    Yet I could never summon that same urgency if I needed something.

A new day is here now.  It's my turn to act brand new.  Maybe I should submit a third definition of brand new to Urban Dictionary.

From the Vault

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=imAZnm_jCNs

Sayonara

It's not hard to say goodbye to THIS yesterday.

Life is about experiences, yes - learning and growing, true.  However, I am still exhaling from an experience I could have done without.

You.  Oh, you know who you are.  Wait, you're probably not even looking at anything on the internet with words not pictures, that's right.

*I wish I could go back to the day before we met, and skip my regret." - Heather Headley

You ain't never lied, Heather.

I am glad that I am the person I am now, and not the person I was then.  Then, I was a person who would allow someone to intimidate, manipulate, abuse them in the name of love.  I didn't know myself, didn't love myself enough to know that I deserved better.

Well guess what fool, I know better now.  And there is NOTHING that you can intimidate me with now to make me even acknowledge your presence.  The only things I regret are the years I wasted on you.

I love growth, progress, mingling with people that I love and love me for me.  *exhaling*  This shit feels good.

A rambling missive, but I needed to get it out.

Asshole, I bid you adieu.

Music Makes Me Happy

....when most other things fail to do so.

Don't get me wrong, I have the same things to be grateful for that others cherish:  life, vested-ness, a job, great kids, a place to live.

But sometimes, damnit, that's not enough.  Sue me for not being uber-grateful 100 percent of the time.

Sometimes I need to channel my restless energy into Jeff Beck guitar riffs, the Boomer angst of the boss....or maybe even, the purely sexual intent of R Kelly.

You never know where my musical mood may land.  That's why I love music.  There are no limits.

Innagural Musings

mot·ley Pronunciation: \ˈmät-lē\

Function: adjective

Etymology: Middle English, perhaps from mot mote, speck

1 : variegated in color <a motley coat>

2 : composed of diverse often incongruous elements <a motley crowd>

At long last, I blog.

Motley seemed to be the best title....I am certainly composed of incongruous elements that don't usually make any sense (except to me).  

What will I talk about?   Being single, sexy and free.  With a splash of motherhood, politics and current events.

My journey begins - here goes nothing!