Monday

Why does everything seem magnified on Monday?

Deadlines, issues, concerns, problems.  On Monday, for just a moment (for me, most of the morning) they seem insurmountable.

I am trying to learn to breathe through life.  Let some things roll off my back, and internalize little.  Some days I have it down pat, other days I am simply awful at it.  Like today.  I swear I can't even breathe thinking about everything I have do, am responsible for, have to fix.

I'm 41 now....do you think I will get it by my next birthday?

Actin' Brand New

Yeah, today's post should probably be some lofty ode to labor unions and Democrats.  Not feeling it today.  Happy Labor Day.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way, I want to talk about the concept of 'actin' brand new'.  For my brothers and sisters from another mother, let me briefly describe. Urban Dictionary tells us that being 'brand new' is: 'When a person displays that they are better than their friends, or treats their friends indifferently, especially where there has been a relationship of good standing previously; hence the term 'new'. i.e. without any history with you.'

I have encountered the concept of newness in many ways over the past few years, and the age of 40 brought a mirror that revealed a lot of newness.  Family actin' brand new.  Kids actin' brand new.  Old friends actin' brand new.  New friends actin brand new.  Folks on the job actin' brand new.  Oh and nobody wants to say it, but I will:  Folks at the church actin' brand new.

I wanted to smash that damn mirror with all of its stupid clarity but the last damn thing I need is seven MORE years of bad luck.

So I said hell, just to mix it up, I might get brand new too. Wait a minute.  Come to think of it, I AM brand new.  Shedding old ideas, seeing people, issues and situations for exactly what they are and have been.  Becoming less dependent on the old ideas I had of friendship, love, life - very 'newly' creating a definition for each that works for me and places me first, and not the other way around.  I love it and wear my newness like a badge of honor.

Isn't my newness pretty?

A wonderful woman whom I consider a mentor - a public servant extraordinaire - told me once that if you let people shyt on you enough, they'll continue to do so because they think you like it.   Being shat on comes in many forms - none literal, but most wrapped in the cloak of the Shatter actin' brand new and the Shattee getting shat upon.  I'll let you come up with your own examples.  Trust me, I have plenty of personal ones.

For the record, I don't like it.  Gettin' brand new, for me,  is like covering yourself  in Anti-Bullshyt Teflon.  It's not as easy to bear as the 'Nice Girl, Superwoman or Good Girl' labels, if you will- but it fits me real nice. I'll leave all that saving to somebody else, thanks.

Finally, blissfully being more concerned with how I feel and 95% less concerned with how others feel FIRST has freed me of a lifetime burden.  It was nothing for me to wonder how to run, jump, skip, do, rush or any of that to do something I felt someone else needed.    Yet I could never summon that same urgency if I needed something.

A new day is here now.  It's my turn to act brand new.  Maybe I should submit a third definition of brand new to Urban Dictionary.