Valentine Peace

I suppose it's not what most seek or celebrate on Valentine's Day.

I cherish it lately, though.  I am glad to not be bothered with the bustle of it all this February.  No notes to buy, no chocolates ruin my Spring 2010 wardrobe reuse.  Better still, I am happy to be sans the wishing/wanting/waiting/will he/won't he part of an uncertain pre-Valentine's involvement.

I don't begrudge the 'holiday'.  Hell, I'm all for the one day a year when a repressed America gets it on.  We avoid the subject and pretend like people don't bang each others' brains out the rest of the damn year. Celebrating love appeals to the hippie that I wish I could have been.   I even like balloons and candy.  I especially like flowers.

The fact that lack of or the wrong Valentine makes some people feel horrible or pressured bothers me though.  

*shrugs*

*picks up a dogeared copy of Madame Bovary*

Happy Valentine's Day.

What I Can't Like

The youngest of the Brooks boys, little R.J., had a wonderful saying when he was about four years old.  Here's an example:

You:  R.J., you have to eat your vegetables.
R.J.:  I can't like that.

R.J. has since grown taller and wiser in the 3 years since, but I often use his astute quote to sum up my feelings about a lot of things.  In the spirit of Letterman, I offer you a list of Things I Can't Like:

10) Jealous Ass People
I mean really - the energy you expend being jealous of hater-ific about somebody else's success is the same energy you can use to get your own shit together.

9) People Who Act Like Reading Will Kill Them
Are you serious?  It's going to kill you read an article and formulate a viewpoint?  *yawn*

8)People Who Think That The Way It Used to Be is the Way It Still Should Be
Progress, people.  Yes, your Sony Walkman may still work fine but does that really mean you can't upgrade to an mp3 player?

7)Political Extremists, from either side
"Political extremism involves two prime ingredients: an excessively simple diagnosis of the world's ills, and a conviction that there are identifiable villains in back of it all." - John W. Gardner

6) Math and Numbers
If you hid my dinner inside a geometry proof, I'd eventually die of starvation because I would never free it.

5) People Who Don't Discipline Their Children and Allow Them to Act Ignorant in Public
You should consider removing yourself from the social roulette wheel because nobody wants to deal with that shit. Nobody.

4) Winter
I'm from Indiana. Enough said.

3) People Who Talk About How Much They Make, in Embarrassing Detail
Tre tacky. Who does that? I'm not embarrassed that I don't make that much, but I am embarrassed for you and your thirst for validation.

2) Coconut
A gritty, disgusting food crime in itself. Strangely enough, I like coconut scented things. But if I even think it's in a dish, I canNOT like it.

...................and the number one thing that I Can't Like...........

1) Waiting in Line
i. hate. it. more. than. anything.

Content

What makes one content?

For some, it is money. Far too many are lured by the promise of the perfect life, layered in greenbacks.

For others, it is acknowledgement from another person.  Sycophant-like adulation, if you will, is what makes some people want to get up in the morning.

For others, it is sex.  (Laughing aloud at how something so fleeting gets so much importance attached by some.)

What makes me content?

None of the above for me.  Money comes and goes, and you cannot take it with you.  As for the adulation of others, that to me is as fleeting as the satisfaction that comes from a sexual encounter.

I think I'm still figuring it out, but here is a start:

I'm content with the ability to think for myself, and not let others make decisions for me.

I'm content with the wonderful (motley) crew of friends that I've been fortunate enough to attain through the years.

I'm content when my babes are happy and satisfied.  Yep, they're 20, but their happiness is still tantamount to my very being.

I think this list should continue to grow.  You can never run out of enough reasons to be content.

What makes you content?

Monday

Why does everything seem magnified on Monday?

Deadlines, issues, concerns, problems.  On Monday, for just a moment (for me, most of the morning) they seem insurmountable.

I am trying to learn to breathe through life.  Let some things roll off my back, and internalize little.  Some days I have it down pat, other days I am simply awful at it.  Like today.  I swear I can't even breathe thinking about everything I have do, am responsible for, have to fix.

I'm 41 now....do you think I will get it by my next birthday?

Actin' Brand New

Yeah, today's post should probably be some lofty ode to labor unions and Democrats.  Not feeling it today.  Happy Labor Day.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way, I want to talk about the concept of 'actin' brand new'.  For my brothers and sisters from another mother, let me briefly describe. Urban Dictionary tells us that being 'brand new' is: 'When a person displays that they are better than their friends, or treats their friends indifferently, especially where there has been a relationship of good standing previously; hence the term 'new'. i.e. without any history with you.'

I have encountered the concept of newness in many ways over the past few years, and the age of 40 brought a mirror that revealed a lot of newness.  Family actin' brand new.  Kids actin' brand new.  Old friends actin' brand new.  New friends actin brand new.  Folks on the job actin' brand new.  Oh and nobody wants to say it, but I will:  Folks at the church actin' brand new.

I wanted to smash that damn mirror with all of its stupid clarity but the last damn thing I need is seven MORE years of bad luck.

So I said hell, just to mix it up, I might get brand new too. Wait a minute.  Come to think of it, I AM brand new.  Shedding old ideas, seeing people, issues and situations for exactly what they are and have been.  Becoming less dependent on the old ideas I had of friendship, love, life - very 'newly' creating a definition for each that works for me and places me first, and not the other way around.  I love it and wear my newness like a badge of honor.

Isn't my newness pretty?

A wonderful woman whom I consider a mentor - a public servant extraordinaire - told me once that if you let people shyt on you enough, they'll continue to do so because they think you like it.   Being shat on comes in many forms - none literal, but most wrapped in the cloak of the Shatter actin' brand new and the Shattee getting shat upon.  I'll let you come up with your own examples.  Trust me, I have plenty of personal ones.

For the record, I don't like it.  Gettin' brand new, for me,  is like covering yourself  in Anti-Bullshyt Teflon.  It's not as easy to bear as the 'Nice Girl, Superwoman or Good Girl' labels, if you will- but it fits me real nice. I'll leave all that saving to somebody else, thanks.

Finally, blissfully being more concerned with how I feel and 95% less concerned with how others feel FIRST has freed me of a lifetime burden.  It was nothing for me to wonder how to run, jump, skip, do, rush or any of that to do something I felt someone else needed.    Yet I could never summon that same urgency if I needed something.

A new day is here now.  It's my turn to act brand new.  Maybe I should submit a third definition of brand new to Urban Dictionary.

From the Vault

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=imAZnm_jCNs

Sayonara

It's not hard to say goodbye to THIS yesterday.

Life is about experiences, yes - learning and growing, true.  However, I am still exhaling from an experience I could have done without.

You.  Oh, you know who you are.  Wait, you're probably not even looking at anything on the internet with words not pictures, that's right.

*I wish I could go back to the day before we met, and skip my regret." - Heather Headley

You ain't never lied, Heather.

I am glad that I am the person I am now, and not the person I was then.  Then, I was a person who would allow someone to intimidate, manipulate, abuse them in the name of love.  I didn't know myself, didn't love myself enough to know that I deserved better.

Well guess what fool, I know better now.  And there is NOTHING that you can intimidate me with now to make me even acknowledge your presence.  The only things I regret are the years I wasted on you.

I love growth, progress, mingling with people that I love and love me for me.  *exhaling*  This shit feels good.

A rambling missive, but I needed to get it out.

Asshole, I bid you adieu.